1. Tell me something obvious about you.
I digest my food through a process known as peristalsis.

2. Tell me something about you that many don't know.
I’m the kiiiiiiing, of rock

3. What is your biggest fear?
Don’t have any big fears, I’ve got lots of little fears. Nanofears.

4. Do you normally go the safe route or take the short cut?
I always combine the two, using a special technique I call Safecuts.

5. Name one thing you want that you can't buy with money.
A fucking reasonable health insurance plan.

6. What is your most treasured possession?
I have one of those funky orthopedic pillows (the kind they sell in a chiropractor’s office) that kicks ass. I sleep like a rock with this thing and let me tell you, getting good quality sleep makes all the difference.

7. What is the one thing you hate most about yourself that you do often?
Ironically enough...hating myself. My personal psychology is a moebius strip.

8. Tell me something sexually about you that I don't know.
I once got shot in the cock with a paintball. I’m not kidding. It was in the woods of New Jersey and it wasn’t just in the “crotch area” it was a direct hit. Felt like someone laid it on a block and smashed it with a hammer; thought I would go blind from the pain. Luckily it healed and I was able to love again.

9. Tell me something sexually about you that everyone knows.
I just realized that the way these two questions are written, it sounds like I’m supposed to answer them in a sexual way. So, (said in a seductive tone) I’m straight.

10. What is your favorite lie to tell?
“Relax, I have performed this type of surgery hundreds of times.”

11. Name something you've done once that you can't wait to do again.
Learning patience.

12. Are you the jealous type?
Internally: Yes. Externally: My spouse could tell me “I’m going to fuck your best friend and I’d like you to videotape it,” and I’d set the camera up and film the whole thing without blinking.

13. What is the one person, place or thing you can't say no to?
Angry, armed people. If you happen to rob the bank I’m in, I am your model cooperator. (I make a terrible hostage though, so don’t take me hostage. Women and children, it’s them you want.)

14. What is the nicest thing someone has ever done for you?
An ex-girlfriend once bought me a spanking new dobok and a book about Hapkido I really wanted.

15. If you could do something crazy right now, what would it be?
I’d eat a croissant and put butter on it. That’s crazy! They’re made with butter!

16. When was the last time you cried?
During Ray. (I ran out of popcorn and got really sad.)

17. When was the last time you felt so good that nothing else mattered?
Last night, when I was asleep. Sleep or sex always do the trick.

18. Do you feel comfortable in public with no shirt on?
“No Shoes, No Shirt, No Service.” That shit is real.

19. Name something embarrassing you did while being drunk.
Tell you the truth, there ain’t a single thing; all my humiliating moments take place when I’m sober.

20. If you post this in your journal would you like me to answer it?
I’m going to empower you to make that decision on your own.