Today’s soundtrack: I’d be a mean so-and-so
Today at 12:02pm: bagging trash



My addiction to music is scary and way worse than, say, Charlie Sheen’s sex addiction. But I don’t care and I indulge it fully because unlike my other addictions I don’t think this one is killing me.

I need large doses of music to survive. If I don’t have it I’ll get sick, my ears will turn black and eventually fall off. My head is empty and I need to fill it with specific tunes.

Almost all of it is MP3s, in other words, purely electronic. (In my efforts to shed junk I’ve gotten rid of most cassettes and LPs.) So my biggest fear is that New York gets hit by some type of nuclear blast in conjunction with an EMP weapon, and I’m actually unlucky enough to survive. Because then I’d have to eke out a living in a destroyed city completely devoid of electronic devices, and I can’t live in a nuclear wasteland without any goddamned music.

I’d have to find a phonograph and some intact records and hook the whole thing up to a goddamned gas generator. In the likely event I couldn’t, I’d have to locate other survivors with good singing voices and manipulate them into belting out ditties for me. I’d be standing in huge craters of destruction, auditioning people to see who could sing “At Last” and perform reasonable covers of ‘80s standards.