Today’s soundtrack: do the hustle
Today at 7:02pm: getting caught in a thunderstorm


I used to walk into a bar or a party and think “My future girlfriend might be in here.” I don’t think that anymore.

Sometimes it scares me thinking about all the weird shit I’m into and how I’ll never be able to share it with anyone. Not just some of it, all of it. That sinking realization that there is no Right Woman; my tastes have become too insane and specific. With each passing year and its attendant accrual of idiosyncrasies and experiences, the chances of finding a match become more and more remote.

Sometimes I care, sometimes I don’t. I think these days I mostly just want the physical stuff. It’s so easy to understand, easy to see where you are and the feedback is immediate. Best of all it involves a minimum of talking.

My patience for bullshit has gone way, way down. I look back at some of the bullshit ex-girlfriends have put me through and I wonder what the fuck I was ever thinking. I wonder how I could have let some of these people trick me and/or completely waste my time. I’m ashamed at my own complicity.

Whenever I start feeling bad for no reason, I tell myself it’s just chemical. An unlucky combination of ingredients stemming from having eaten the wrong foods or maintaining improper levels of sleep, endorphins, caffeine or nicotine. That tomorrow I will wake up and feel good and hear a fucking funny joke or read something interesting, or take a picture I like, or go into a bar with the proper level of expectations.