Today’s soundtrack:
somebody told me
boy everything she wants, is everything she sees

Today at 11:02pm: making iced decaf



They’re tearing up the sidewalk in front of my building. I thought the old one was fine but someone at City Hall didn’t so they tore it out this morning. You open the front door and there’s just a big crater.

I wonder what our nice new sidewalk is going to look like.

Something’s been happening to me lately and I feel like a different person. Like a lot of other things I’m experiencing at this age, that’s neither good nor bad, just...there. I don’t know what I expected my thirties to feel like but it sure wasn’t this.

I haven’t been participating in society at all; I’ve even avoided several important social engagements. And even though things have continued happening to me I haven’t felt capable of sitting down here and writing them to you. I wonder if it’s the cigarettes, or lack thereof?

Been quit well over two months now and I just don’t feel like myself without the smokes. Already my friends are finding me less engaging in conversation. I’m facing the awful truth that nicotine provided at least 51% of my personality; RJ Reynolds was the majority shareholder in my social appeal.

In my early twenties I figured I’d remain rebellious well into my thirties. Figured for sure I’d be owning things you can only get in Mexico and riding the motorcycle I knew better than to touch in younger years.

Well not only do I not own a motorcycle, I drive a fucking Volkswagen Golf. It’s the unsexiest little econobox you can imagine. The only thing remotely rebellious about my vehicular conduct is that I’m behind on the fucking payments. The most radical thing about me is that my hatchback installments are in arrears.

Anyways. I am going to have to start smoking soon or something. I can’t write, I can’t enjoy myself, I can’t do anything. It’s the nic goddammit, I need the nic.

On the upside, I bought the Band of Brothers full DVD set for my pops last month for Father’s Day. He told me he’d already seen it and asked if I could exchange it for something else.

So I took it home and watched the whole ten hours, and goddamn was it good. Holy shit it was good. I liked it so much I bought the book (by Stephen Ambrose) afterwards and the book was killer. (Other highly recommended reading for boys: Blackhawk Down by Mark Bowden. Trust me. Unless you’re a girl.)

Other good stuff I’ve seen lately: I downloaded a shitload of Space Ghost Coast to Coast episodes and finally saw Old School.

Space Ghost is hit-or-miss but the hits are fucking funny. The “Baffler Meal” and “Snatch” episodes in particular made me forget my misery.

Old School was pretty uneven, but Will Ferrell had three scenes in this movie that made me laugh until water came out of my eyes. Vince Vaughan is just okay but they didn’t give him enough to do.

So yeah something has to change soon. I don’t know what, and I hope I don’t start smoking again, but something’s gotta give here. Cigarettes are okay, right? I mean they’re not like heroin or anything, right? There’s no gangs having turf wars over smokes, right?

...Fuck.

Download the Stray Cats’ cover of “Sleepwalk” and fall asleep to it.