Today’s soundtrack: oh please leave the vendanna open
Today at 8:02pm: left-right-X-O-triangle etc.


I thought it was okay to smoke in my dreams, but someone pointed out that’s no good--it speaks of a weakening of the mind. So I have to fight those urges too. Oh goddammit.

Mike got a Playstation 2. It’s not really his but to make a long story short there’s a fucking PS2 in his kitchen, and I have the keys to his place.

Today my roommate and I let ourselves in to play The Matrix game. It’s pretty fucking hot man. And I just saw The Animatrix so I’ve been thinking about the Wachowski brothers’ little world a lot lately.

If I was in The Matrix, I’d be steady smoking. I’d smoke like seven packs a day and eat assloads of saturated fat because shit, it’s just a simulation and real life in those dank fucking ships looks like a drag and a half.

At those jawbone sessions with Morpheus I’d never not be eating pizza. I’d go on missions with Neo and Trinity but while they’re running up walls and flying, the first thing I’d do is stick not one, but two Camels in my mouth and light those bitches up.

That would be my thing, I’d smoke two cigarettes at a time. With Neo around I wouldn’t have to do any fighting anyway. I’ve spent six fucking years and several thousand dollars studying Hapkido and Neo “downloaded” that shit in like twelve seconds.


ME: Where are my matches? Oh here they are. Phew!

NEO: Hey! Rain! Hey!

ME: Insert cigarette A. Insert cigarette B.

NEO: Can I get a little help here? I’m fighting 100 Agent Smiths!

ME: (lighting up) That’s ironic, because I was just listening to The Smiths. “Louder Than Bombs.” Good album man.

NEO: I’m serious man, I could use some help over here!

ME: Fuck off Anderson, I’m busy smoking. Download a gun, or Ninjitsu or something...

NEO: I’m getting buried here! Help me goddammit!

ME: ...while you’re at it order me an ashtray and a zippo, you Messianic little bitch.