Today’s soundtrack: I can’t say baby where I’ll be in a year
Today at 5:02pm: Waiting to cross


I smoke in my dreams now. Each time is different in terms of location but the circumstances are always the same: I can’t fucking take it anymore, and I put a cigarette between my lips and light that bitch up like the girl next door at the Salem witch trials.

I inhale deep and long, then make a face, then exhale a jet of smoke like a skywriter. Phoooooooooo.

A few moments later I feel guilt (while still in the dreamworld--stay with me, people) and curse myself for having smoked. But then I wake up and IT’S ALL GOOD! It was just a dream! I got the pleasure of smoking but I didn’t really break the no-smoking streak.

It’s been forty-something fucking days now, which means I’ve smoked around 800 less cigarettes than I would have if I’d continued on The Path. Fucking miraculous but I worry I am just postponing the inevitable.

Speaking of The Path there’s a team of guerillas, Marxist I think, called The Shining Path. That name is no joke! “The Shining Path.” I’ve never seen ‘em but they sound like some bad-ass motherfuckers. If you lived in the same town as them I bet you could do some ill-ass shit to your neighbor’s pet and just blame it on “those Shining Path cats. You know those motherfuckers crazy.”

I download everything. I would download your mom if I could. But I am going to go into a store and actually buy that Radiohead CD because I am anticipating hearing tracks that will profoundly improve the quality of my life, maybe not today or tomorrow, but in five and ten years, and I want to give them my money in appreciation. OK Computer is still, penny for penny, some of the best money I ever spent.

I hope that’s not stupid; I hope I’m not just putting super unleaded into some record exec’s Escalade. I want to give Thom Yorke the money personally, like I’m his grandmother, and urge him not to spend it all in one place. “Hey Thom, here’s a ten and a five. Do something positive with this, aight? Thom--look at me, Thom. You spend this money on heroin and I am going to beat your filthy, stinking ass with my shoe.”

The cats from Radiohead don’t do drugs, right?

Going to sleep soon. Tonight in my dreams I’m going to count sheep, smoke a FAT camel and download your mom. If you’re lucky it will say “More Sources Needed,” if you’re unlucky it will say “8 Users.”