By far the most innovative door buzzer I’ve ever seen.
(I wonder what the fuck a Nutsy’s is.)

Today’s soundtrack: Young ones are waiting in line...
Today at 2:54am: Inhaling sharply through my nose.


When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Then carry it around with you and when you find someone with papercuts, push them to the ground and rub the lemonade into their cuts. You can increase the horror of this act by dressing as a professional clown.

Alright I don’t know where that came from.

Best snack food in the world: Kasugai Roasted Hot Green Peas. They give you crazy wasabi noseburn. You know how to get rid of wasabi noseburn, right?

Next time you’re eating sushi and you accidentally hit that motherlode of wasabi and get that so-this-is-what-mustard-gas-is-like sensation, inhale sharply through your nose. Clears it up right away. I saw it on a Japanese TV show and it works like a charm.

Prior to the other night, the last time I went out drinking with Seiji we were on the other side of the planet and Clinton was in office. Ah, the good old days.

The other night we came out of a New York bar around 4am and Seij was pretty hammered. I’d forgotten he gets real honest (of the “I love you, man” variety) and about ten years younger when he’s drunk.

“Dude you are fucking weird,” he slurred, as I started the car. “YOU are a weird motherfucker.”

“Izzat so,” I said, pulling into traffic.

“You fucken ditched me in K-Mart today,” he blathered. “I’m hanging out and all of a sudden you just fucken disappear.”

“I told you, I went to the register to pay for my shit. You were dicking around in the soda aisle.”

“My friend fucken ditches me at K-mart. Then we’ll be walking down the street or some shit and you’ll just cross all of a sudden and I’m like, where the FUCK did Rain go.”

“Gimme a break, I thought you were right behind me. Whaddaya want me to do, get a fucking leash? I’m gonna get one of those little twirly orange leashes and fucking attach you to my belt loop, how’s that.”

“Dude I’m real, I’m really thankful you’re letting me crash your place,” he blurted.

“Ah get outta here,” I said, wishing the light would turn green so I could get this drunk motherfucker home. “How many times did I crash your grandmother’s place in Tokyo.”

“So the thing I’ve noticed about you is this: You’re fucken weird. You have all these little weird fucken things....fucken freak. And like, you don’t really care about holding people’s hands and shit, like you expect people to get their own fuggin shit together. But when it really counts you care. It’s huge that you’re letting me crash your place.”

“S’not a big deal,” I said.

“Like the fuggin, birthday party you threw for me in Japan, that was pretty cool...even though it was a goddamn month after my birthday,” he muttered.

“You were in fucking India! What was I gonna do, put everyone on a boat to the fucking Ganges? Next time I’ll rent out the fucking Taj Mahal.”

“I know, I know. I’m just saying....”

Actually I remember that party. It was a surprise and we had it at Alison Chin’s house. Seiji got severely drunk and told me what a “good friend” I was. Then I had to physically restrain him from pissing in Alison’s washing machine.

“Dude get off me just let me fucken DO IT! It’ll be so funny,” he’d said, trying to push past me. Yeah and I’m the weird one. I shoulda let him fill Chin’s machine, I bet she woulda tore his ass off in the morning.