Today’s soundtrack: la la la, la...la la la La, la la, la....
Today at 5:32pm: At the AsianAvenue offices, discussing whether there’s a future for Love in a 10-Block Radius


Today at The Corporation they put me on a new project called Project Cannonball. Sounds exciting, doesn’t it? Well it’s not. These jerks. Going around naming stuff Project Cannonball like it’s all exciting when actually, it sucks my ass.

If I got to run the meetings and choose the project names things would be a little different.


ME: I hereby call this meeting to order. Franklin, how about some coffee over here.

FRANKLIN: Excuse me? Are you out of your mind? I’m Vice President of--

ME: Light with no sugar, chop chop. Make it too dark and you’re fired. Now lessee what’s on the agenda...ah yes...Project Scrotum. Marketing, status report?

MKTG: Project Scrotum is a go, sir.

ME: Excellent. Next...Project Elephantitis Of The Nuts. Jim?

JIM: Project E.O.T.N. is locked and loaded, sir.

ME: Project what?

JIM: Project E.O.T.N., sir.

ME: Say it.

JIM: Project Elephantitis Of The Nuts is good to go, sir.

ME: Excellent. Item three, Project Monkey Sphincter. I’m putting Project Monkey Sphincter on hold until one of you fucknuts in Graphics can come up with a more accurate logo. This doesn’t look anything like a monkey sphincter, it’s way too dilated. This is what a monkey’s sphincter would look like if he was in jail.

GRAPHICS: Yes, sir.

ME: Franklin, where the hell is my coffee. Ah, never mind. I’m putting you on a very special project.

JIM: (chuckling) I bet it’s Project M.R.A.

FRANKLIN: What the hell is that?

JIM: Project Massage Rain’s Ass.

ME: Yes. This is a time-sensitive project and I’ll need you to get on it right away.