Today’s soundtrack: what more can I do, oh yeah
Today at 10:02pm: Burning dinner. Fuck!


Sometimes at work my boss starts talking to me and I zone out and hear that Meow Mix song in my head. MYOW myow myow myow MYOW myow myow myow MYOW myow MYOW myow MYOW myow myow myow...god I love that song. Do you?


BOSS: ...is really what we’re trying to accomplish here.

ME: I understand and will obey.

BOSS: Oh, I forgot to mention. With regards to focus groups--

MYOW myow myow myow MYOW myow myow myow MYOW myow MYOW myow MYOW myow myow myow

BOSS: ...is really gonna be our main objective.

ME: I understand and will obey.

BOSS: Did you eat lunch yet?

ME: I understand and will obey.

MYOW myow myow myow MYOW myow myow myow MYOW myow MYOW myow MYOW myow myow myow

I’m over the Rumsfeld-in-Combat fantasy. Today’s fantasy is that someone would come up to me and say “Don’t hate the playa, hate the game” and then I throw pepper in their eyes and pistol-whip them with an Italian sidearm and push them into an open manhole. I drank some coffee at the wrong times today so my neurons are all over the place.


Walking down the street, the only thing that really makes me smile is dogs. Specifically, brown dogs. I’m keen on brownish canines, as soon as I see one I forget what I was worried about and feel all happy.

Usually, that is. Today was the first time I’ve ever been jealous of a dog. I mean I love dogs but just look at this motherfucker.

This dog lives better than I do and he knows it, too. Look at him. I said LOOK AT HIM goddammit. Whipping around 212 in a droptop CLK. Smug little bastard giving me that condescending look.

Well you listen to me you little pooch bastard, I am a District Manager and people are scared of me. You hear me? There are 26 people who report to me, what do you think of that. I’m very important.

Can you imagine if I actually was a District Manager? That would be really funny...oh wait a minute, no it wouldn’t. My mistake.

Now that I’m actively trying to participate in society again, I’m finding it harder than I remembered. Logistically I mean. Making plans involving more than two people is a bitch since you have to get everyone’s schedules to jive.

Everybody’s busy in this place. Even a run-of-the-mill schmuck like me has got a million things on the plate, which necessitates the ugly process of editing activities and people. Sometimes people edit me out too; I try not to take it personally but I often fail.

The Toronto roadtrip’s been pushed back a week, we’re leaving on Halloween now. Maybe we can trick or treat on the way up. I’ll put on a hockey mask and ring random roadside doorbells from here to Buffalo. Fantastic way to get shot, yeah? It would be like Jackass without the ratings.

At least Lam and Tony would be watching. They’d get a good laugh out of it until they realized they’re stuck in the car and I was the only one who could drive stick.

New activity on the sched: Camping trip for late October. I don’t know anything about camping but Tony’s an outdoorsman, so Lam and I are just gonna follow his lead. I’m a little worried about getting eaten by bears or shot by hicks. I think the hick thing is scarier though, ‘cause you can reason with bears.