Today’s soundtrack: Just remember you’ll only be the boss so long as you pay my wage
Today at 8:02pm: Watching an HK flick, Running Out Of Time.

It wasn’t...shame, nor embarrassment, nor disbelief; just a feeling of well, whaddaya know.
See tonight me, Mike and Shady sat around my kitchen table, tucking into Shady’s linguini with clam sauce and sauteed asparagus. When we eat, time between chewing is usually filled with us debating and propounding our pedestrian philosophies. None of us has black turtlenecks but I smoke to keep up appearances.

“What would you do if you found out a girl you were dating or an ex of yours made a porno tape?” asked Shady.

“So what.”

“Big fuckin’ deal.”

“Lots of people make ‘home movies.’”

Shady considered this and chewed some more. “But what if it was up on the internet?”

Mike and I thought about it and decided it was no big deal. Lots of stuff ends up on the internet. The three of us know this all too well because we’ve got both DSL and hormones. (Guy’s Curse: DSL and hormones are to the 2000s what Playstation and testosterone were to the ‘90s.)

I noticed Shady was chewing a little too intently, so I started to get suspicious. The women in my life have not exactly been pillars of society.

“Izzer somethin’ you wanna tell me?” I asked.

“Let’s wait ‘til after dinner,” he said.

After all the food had made a successful transition from the plates to our stomachs, the three of us gathered around Shady’s computer, to see the latest MPEG that warranted a group viewing. Started off pretty typical, the girl was--

Holy fuck.

I recognized her.

Not just her face.

“No fuckin’ way,” I said, peering at the screen to be sure there was no mistake. There wasn’t. I didn’t recognize the guy, thankfully. Thankfulness Part Two was that it wasn’t my current girlfriend.

We rewound and fast-forwarded a little to see different angles, and then it was Identity Confirmed. Her voice is even on it.

Some guys mighta been wigged out, but the whole thing is really none of my business, seeing as how it’s not me plugging away on there. Man--everybody gets their five minutes of fame, and sometimes it’s in MPEG.