Today’s soundtrack: You grow up and learn that kind of thing ain’t right
Today at 3:02pm: Attempting (unsuccesfully) to subvert the corporate firewall.

At work they switched me over to Mac’s System Ten, a/k/a “OS X.” The boss gave me a book called “OS X for Dummies.”

If I was the publisher of these “For Dummies” books I’d have two versions of each book: There’d be “OS X For Dummies” and the sister publication, “OS X For Fucking Retarded Idiots.”

The text would be almost the same, just printed much larger, repeated every other page and sprinkled with clever put-downs. I.e. “Chapter Ten--The Chapter We Had To Add Because You’re Such A Moron” and “Appendix B: Troubleshooting For Clueless Douchebags Such As, Oh, I Don’t Know, Look In The Mirror.” I’d do it just to see how many units I could move.

All my bitching and moaning finally paid off, the departmental bigwigs finally sprung for a top-of-the-line G4 for yours truly. Graphically speaking, I do all the heavy lifting around here anyway so I need a machine that can crush.

It’s a dual-processor model, which is kind of like having a Porsche with an engine in the front and another one in the back. If I was smart enough to understand how it works I’d probably be really excited. I looked inside the G4 but I didn’t see any pistons or fuel injectors. Just a bunch of little things that look like maps of Manhattan, and some shiny silver thing that looked like you shouldn’t spill coffee on it.

I don’t know much about computers, but I’ve got my design job down to a science. (Watch me get shit-canned tomorrow.) If I didn’t mention it before I do Industrial Design. If you have to ask what that is, the answer’s kind of long so save it for when you run into me at a cocktail party.

I just ripped Pizzicato Five’s “Playboy Playgirl” album and I’m playing it on the computer. In iTunes 3, on a G4 I rock P-5.

Boss A and Boss B both took the day off, so I’m unsupervised. It’s not a good idea to leave me unsupervised. Because then I do things like see how many Zip disks I can stack before they fall over, or if I can roll a CD-ROM across my entire office (I can’t). Boss B comes back tomorrow. My CD-ROMs will stay on the desk.