Today at work I was trying to think of what would be the most difficult e-mail address to give someone over the phone. I think it’d be either “atdotcom@dotcom.com” or “underscore_hyphen@dot.com.” See because you’d say “dot” but they’d think you meant “.” Hours of fun.

This morning my work computer got sick because I was given Administrative Privileges and I accidentally fucked some shit up in the root folders. The computer turned green and started throwing up. I didn’t know you’re not supposed to fuck with the fonts in System 10.

The tech guy couldn’t believe it, he looked at me like I just ate Estelle Getty’s asshole out in the bathroom of a Mexican restaurant. He lectured me sternly while fixing the problem. I remained silent (because I’m Asian and enjoy living up to negative stereotypes) but my Internal Teleprompter was going wild.


TECH GUY: Rain, Rain, Rain, you can not touch the fonts in the “Library” folder.

ME: (Internal: He just said my name three times. Why?)

TECH GUY: You were given administrative privileges so that you could install minor things like the tablet driver. You are not to go playing around in the root folders.

ME: (“Playing.” Yeah, I was totally frolicking. Had my shirt off and everything.)

TECH GUY: When you play around with the root folders, you get problems. Big, big problems.

ME: (It’s no wonder they call you Tech Support and not Emotional Support. I bet your marriage is pretty frigid. I bet your wife just wants you to hold her.)

TECH GUY: I’ll fix it this time but please, please, please don’t go playing around in the root folders.

ME: (There he goes with the three’s again. He should say “please to the third power.”)

TECH GUY: See this folder right here? Nothing in it should be touched.

ME: (fly me to the moon...let me play among the stars...let me see what spring is like on, Jupiter or Mars....)